It's not my fault you can't get over me

Today I had a surprise visit from my old flame, Migraine. It had been about two weeks since we went our separate ways - it was the longest we had been apart since we first got serious in 2006. She showed up at my office, wanting to talk. It was pretty awkward, so you know, I just really need to blog about it.

She was like:

Jillian, I miss you, but it's more than missing you. I don't know who I am without you.

And I was like:

Migraine, you've been with me through good and bad, and that's why I think you deserve my full honesty. When you’re around, I get butterflies in my stomach. I can’t think about anything else. But the truth is I can't take the drama anymore. You're clingy, needy, pessimistic and self-absorbed.

And she was like:

Jillian, no! How can you say those things about me after all these years? I love you. I thrive off your energy, your passion, your intellect. When I’m near you, I feel so alive!

And I was like:

Migraine, you drain my emotions. You take up all my time. And you spend all my money.

And she was like:

I’m dying without you. Without you, I’m nothing but emptiness. But I guess you just don't care.

And I was like:

There you go again, playing the victim like you always do.

And she was like:

I am not playing the victim! I'm really hurting! Can’t you feel my anguish?

And I was like:

Migraine, I’m sick of your so-called anguish! I know you're just exaggerating to get my attention.

And she was like:

I don’t care what you say. We were destined to be together, and deep down you know it.

And I was like:

Migraine, your presence is painful to me. We are through.

And she was like:

I’m not leaving you.

And I was like:

I will do whatever it takes to get away from you. Even if I have to go to the authorities.

And that’s when things really got crazy. She started scattering my papers all over the office, and she deleted a whole chunk of work I had done this morning. She threw my snack in the trash and hid my glasses. So I just had to run out and go home.

I’m sure she followed me, though. I can’t hear or see anything, but I just feel her lurking around. This is gonna be ugly.