When Lady Gaga came on the scene, I discovered that pop music could be an English major’s playground. Whether I love it (Lady Gaga) or love to hate it (Katy Perry), it’s always entertaining. So in light of the recent Grammys, I’ve made up my own awards. And if you’re like me, and know plenty about wordplay and nothing about music, you might enjoy these too.
Most Near Rhymes in a Three-minute Song – Ke$ha, We R Who We R
“Tonight we’re going hard/ Just like the world is ours/ We’re tearing it apart/ You know we’re superstars/ We are who we are…” If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is.
Most Whitman-Worthy Celebration of Ego – Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
Because we can all feel good when we sing about Katy Perry’s skin-tight jeans.
Most Allusions to Sylvia Plath – Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster
Tell ’em how you feel, girls!
The Bulwer-Lytton Award for Most Painful Clich̩ РSara Bareilles, King of Anything
It takes courage to put notes to “who died and made you king of anything?” It takes even more guts to actually sing them… and when people are listening!
Song with More Artistic Import than the Book that Inspired the Movie for which the Song is on the Soundtrack – Florence
For those of who aren’t getting paid to travel the world, and aren’t inspired by the people who are.
The Franklin Award for Autobiography – Taylor Swift, Speak Now
She still might grow out of it, but probably not any time soon.
The Casanova Award for Autobiography – Maroon 5, Hands All Over
Because the ladies know they shouldn’t like it, but they just can’t help it!
The Fitzgerald Award for Romanticizing Debauchery and Soullessness – Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
We can dance until we die! Wait…what?
The Faulkner Award for Domestic Dysfunction, Stream-of-Consciousness Style – Eminem, Love the Way You Lie
Guaranteed to lighten your mood.
The S.E. Hinton Award for the Youthful Voice of a Generation – Justin Bieber, My World 2.0
Exactly whose generation we may never figure out.
The T.S. Eliot Lifetime Achievement Award – Lady Gaga
Because with just two albums she’s already beaten out the competition for most allusions to anything, ever.
And just for pop music’s favorite arch rivals…
The Hamletmachine Award for Crazy-Awesomeness – Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster
The Community College presents Hamletmachine Award for Sad but Funny attempt at Crazy-Awesomeness – Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
Do you want to give an English major’s music award of your own? I’d love to hear it!!
