Do you think that I write this blog for myself? You couldn't be more wrong, reader. I write this for you. And it is for you that I have come back early from my blogging sabbatical to share with you an important public service announcement.
Oh, you didn't know I was on sabbatical? You thought I was being noncommittal, uncreative, lazy and a blogging equivalent of a tease? Well shame on you for thinking those things.
ANYWAY I am trying to tell you something important here.
Some time ago I shared with you all my serious concerns about flesh-eating bacteria, the likelihood that you will catch them from a toilet seat, and the general horror destined to ensue. Well, I have learned a lot since then and it is time to start Raising Awareness. I can tell you all are with me on this because of all the comments I sense you meant to leave on that post.
My friend's husband (who is a med student) says there is ONE WAY to contract a flesh-eating bacteria and that is through an open wound. So as for catching them from a toilet seat, I guess, you know, check yourself.
It is a real thing, however, that you can be an ordinary graduate student having fun at the lake and get into a zip-line accident leaving you with a massive gash in your leg and a REAL flesh-eating bacteria infection and a one-in-four chance of survival. In Georgia.
People, do not Google that story. I read it so you don't have to. Anyway that is everything you need to know, and the moral of the story is this: the world is scary as shit and you will die from it and so will all your friends.
I have been told there are people who don't think about these things - can you believe that? No, you can't.
That would mean thinking that living into the future isn't like sailing off the edge of the earth. That would mean no one would come if I invited you all to my place for some vodka or whiskey or some other drink with a name that implies you are serious about it, so we could toast one another saying, "It's okay if I die, you don't have to watch."
But I know you would come. Some of you would definitely come. At least one of you would come if I asked VERY nicely and promised hors d'oeuvres. We could play party games? I don't know, I'm not good at parties. But there would be absolutely no flesh-eating bacteria and you could sleep on the couch or the air mattress if you needed to.
What I'm saying is that being as happy and comfortable as possible for as much of the time as is possible is serious work, and I support you in it. And I know at least some of you know what I mean, about permission to refuse or retreat from despair, about not having to watch.
So *hugs* and take care and don't forget your Purell.
But if you catch something horrible from exposing your open wound to a toilet seat? Dude. I told you.
