Everyone is always making a huge deal about how germ-infested bathrooms are. And yet I've heard doctors say there's almost nothing you can catch from, like, a toilet seat.
But what about flesh-eating bacteria? That is a real thing in the world - I saw it on Mystery Diagnosis. If someone with an infection of flesh-eating bacteria sat on this toilet seat, couldn't I catch it from them? I am 100% sure I could. In fact, how else would you catch a flesh-eating bacteria? The people who do have them, they never know.
And once you catch a flesh-eating bacteria, you have to die. And all your friends have to watch your face fall off.
What is the single creepiest thing in the world? There is only one answer to that question and it is flesh-eating bacteria.
Something just poked me. Probably a poisonous spider crawling into my pants and biting me. I might not die, but I'll definitely loose a chunk out of this leg.
Some people say Shylock was red-headed because Shakespeare was a racist. Actually the Bard was way ahead of his time in realizing that gingers have no soul. Also he was racist.
Please - PLEASE! - share your best intrusive thoughts in the comments below!!
The following conversations took place on Sunday, as I helped my husband revise his term paper.
Trust, Justice, and the American Way
Me: Take out this comma.
Husband (with sudden vehemence): I like the Oxford comma!
Me (startled): Oh. Okay. Well, are your professors okay with it? If they don’t mind then leave it in.
Husband: Well I’ve never been corrected before.
Me (with gathering courage): Fine. Use the Oxford comma. If you want to be un-American.
UPDATE: Today I am pleased to reassure you all that my husband is patriotic, after all. In researching for this post, I discovered that I was gravely misinformed about the Oxford comma!!! (It's because I'm a communications professional.) It turns out Americans love the Oxford comma. In fact, it's the non-Oxford Brits who disdain the Oxford comma, and journalism/communications professionals everywhere.
Well, the point is the Oxford comma is a big deal, people. Everyone is talking about it. It has a Wikipedia page, a recent NPR article, and even a song.
Isn't she lovely?
Me: I think what you're saying is, the fact that these societies created female icons didn't mean that they started to respect women.
Husband: Yes.
Me: The men still treated the women any way they wanted, but they sort of justified it by making these glorified female images, to give the impression that they respected women.
Husband: Yes.
Me: So the men could say, "See? We love women!... That's why we... make them scrub the floor naked."
Husband: ...more or less.
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My friend Alysha is a seminary student, and this semester she studied ancient Greek. (Learning ancient Greek is just like learning any other language, with lots of flashcards, only a billion times harder.) Alysha is seriously awesome, but we are pretty sure she is not so awesome that she will grow up to be a missionary to ancient Greeks. Which is why we ended up emailing back and forth about this survey she had to take. (Alysha's comments are blue, mine are red.)
In relation to this class, I made significant progress in:
1) Critical thinking Before, I sucked at thinking. Now I am awesome!!!
7) Cultivating sensitivities and skills needed for cross-cultural relationships Uhhh.... what?Now I realize I used to be racist against ancient Greeks.
10) Enriching my creative capacities Really? Since when do they care about this?
11) Reflecting theologically on the implications of this course for my practice of ministry This would make more sense for almost any other class I've taken
12) Integrating the study of scripture, theology, and ethics at a personal level Verb conjugation is like an out of body experience.
13) Shaping my personal values, standards, or disciplines Yes. I now value biblical Greek less, because it is annoying
14) Functioning well in interpersonal relationships Im gr8t @ txt ancients
15) Responding to emotional, spiritual, or interpersonal problems I know exactly what you're going through. You know what helped me? This textbook of ancient Greek.
16) Responding to organizational, community, and societal problems Teach ancient Greek in schools!!!!!
When Lady Gaga came on the scene, I discovered that pop music could be an English major’s playground. Whether I love it (Lady Gaga) or love to hate it (Katy Perry), it’s always entertaining. So in light of the recent Grammys, I’ve made up my own awards. And if you’re like me, and know plenty about wordplay and nothing about music, you might enjoy these too.
Most Near Rhymes in a Three-minute Song – Ke$ha, We R Who We R
“Tonight we’re going hard/ Just like the world is ours/ We’re tearing it apart/ You know we’re superstars/ We are who we are…” If that’s not impressive, I don’t know what is.
Most Whitman-Worthy Celebration of Ego – Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
Because we can all feel good when we sing about Katy Perry’s skin-tight jeans.
Most Allusions to Sylvia Plath – Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster
It takes courage to put notes to “who died and made you king of anything?” It takes even more guts to actually sing them… and when people are listening!
Song with More Artistic Import than the Book that Inspired the Movie for which the Song is on the Soundtrack – Florence and the Machine, Dog Days Are Over
For those of who aren’t getting paid to travel the world, and aren’t inspired by the people who are.
The Franklin Award for Autobiography – Taylor Swift, Speak Now
She still might grow out of it, but probably not any time soon.
The Casanova Award for Autobiography – Maroon 5, Hands All Over
Because the ladies know they shouldn’t like it, but they just can’t help it!
The Fitzgerald Award for Romanticizing Debauchery and Soullessness – Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
We can dance until we die! Wait…what?
The Faulkner Award for Domestic Dysfunction, Stream-of-Consciousness Style – Eminem, Love the Way You Lie
Guaranteed to lighten your mood.
The S.E. Hinton Award for the Youthful Voice of a Generation – Justin Bieber, My World 2.0
Exactly whose generation we may never figure out.
The T.S. Eliot Lifetime Achievement Award – Lady Gaga
Because with just two albums she’s already beaten out the competition for most allusions to anything, ever.
And just for pop music’s favorite arch rivals…
The Hamletmachine Award for Crazy-Awesomeness – Lady Gaga, The Fame Monster
The Community College presents Hamletmachine Award for Sad but Funny attempt at Crazy-Awesomeness – Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
Do you want to give an English major’s music award of your own? I’d love to hear it!!
